Master's theory: 3 pronged beings

In the light of the new day, I feel I have to explain myself a bit more on the last post I did...

One of the things that I have learned from my Master is that I am a three pronged person.

1. Anna: The part of my personality that is the domestic, i.e- the one that makes the bed, does the dishes and makes dinner.
2. Lil'One: The part of my personality that is very playful, curious and a bit feisty.
   
3. Slave: And last but not least, the part of me that craves to have the control taken from me so I am free to feel. I don't have to think when I am under my Master's hand.

The last post I did was my submissive side being unhappy with my/our current situation. It's not that I'm completely unhappy. Because that is the farthest thing from the truth. But when it comes to our relationship in B.D.S.M it is a bit lacking. I love the times when Master and I are joking around, having a fantastic time just being us. No stress or pressure about where we are going to be tomorrow night, how many miles we have this week or the fact that we are currently still in the hole. And that part of my personality as I stated above is Lil'one. Under Master she is flourishing, growing every day and become more sure of herself. But in order for Master to put that much time and care into that part of my personality other things were pushed back to the back burner of the stove of our lives. Unfortunately that part was the part that needs the most attention because it is so newly found. I understand that He had to do so much fixing when I first came to Him because of my past. I was broken and He wants to fix it. Has to fix it in order to move on to other things or areas of our life. But cant He do that while being my Master? Cant He do that at the same time as He guides me down the path of my own submission?? That is the problem that we are having right now.

I am perfectly happy with Master in the aspect of lilone and Anna. But the part of myself that I wrote about in the last blog was my submissive side. She is not happy. That part of me is being neglected severely in order to fix everything else. But in my oppinion that isn't fixing anything at all. I think in order to fix myself I have to be all three at the same time, that way nothing becomes neglected. Everything would be ballenced the way it should be. No working on this part or that part. When He does that, He is stretching me so thin that I am about to break. I'm not so sure He knows just how close to my breaking point I am.

A part of a song really spoke to me, suprisingly so because I don't like the singer/band.

Lady Antebellum : American Honey

"Trying to be everything at once will make you crazy..."

This is exactly true. Although it battles with Master's theory that we are a three pronged being I still feel that both are correct. Even though we are a three pronged being, we can do all three at the same time. Everyone has multiple parts of their personality that makes them who they are. If you just concentrate on one of them you find yourself being more and more unhappy because all your needs arn't being fixed or met. That is the true problem with Master's theory; Although it is a very good one and I agree with it to a certain point, but the problem with it is that you are now able to pick and choose who you are at that particular moment instead of being yourself completely. But then again it also helps you. Now you can pick when to be submissive, when to be more playfull or when to just stick to the task at hand and get it done then worry about other things. Which is also a very good thing unless you start to dwell on only one persona. Like the quote above says... Trying to be everything at once will infact make you crazy and stressed. You will become emotionally unstable just like I myself am right now. *shrugs* Who knows, maybe I am way wrong on this. All I do know is that what we are doing now is in fact NOT working. Hopefully we will find a better system where every part of who I am is taken care of and All the holes will become mended with the tender care of my Master.

On a different note... I think this new "Pilot Program" that Master is now on is going to work perfectly. I have a really good feeling about it. His new FM (Fleet Manager) did what Dorris could not do in two weeks in exactly two hours. We have back to back loads. We deliver one in Alabama today in, I'm guessing an hour or two, then tomorrow we pick another one up that goes to Illinois that delivers on monday. It's extremely boring for me having to drive all day to stay on schedule and be on time for this delivery and the next ones pick up. But it will give us the miles and money that we need to get out of the hole plus some!! YAY! That just means one step closer to finding a house/apartment and then getting His daughter in His custody.

We are at our exit, so I have to help navigate. I will post more when I can
*Scurries off to help Master*