Beaten, bloodied and left for dead

Master is throwing everything in this truck every which way. Talk about temper tantrums. He threw away a little toy that his grandson gave to him, it might not be much but that little boy gave it to him so Master can remember him when he is away. And he just throws it out the window?? Shows just how much he doesn't care about little J doesn't it... (I wont use real names so initials will have to do.)

Right now I want nothing to do with that man. I have been broken by him way to many times. And for what? So he can say he has changed and do this? I'm done. I am tired of being the only one trying in this relationship. He crossed a line today on top of the one last night. The truck is in total disarray all because Master threw things. He could have broke the computer with the Qualcom. But who am I to tell him to calm down? I'm just the stupid slave/passenger that doesn't know anything about this business or life. I'm at the point I want off this truck. I cant be around his rage anymore.
Constantly afraid of him. Of whether I will be the victim or his anger. Will it be tomorrow that I get the shit kicked out of me, or the next day? Will people be able to see the marks that I will get or will I have to pretend that nothing ever happened again? This is how it started my last abusive relationship, too. He started out being extremely caring and fixing the damage that was done to me, then within a few months I was hit. After a swelling rage came on him to the point that throwing things was not enough anymore. This time it's taking longer, but I can feel it happening.
That is what hurts the most out of all of this. My Master has promised me a lot of things and he ends up breaking every single one of them the instant things don't go according to plan. I have to keep record of our spending and finances for this truck. So I look at the numbers every day at least twice. And when I tell him we won't make a lot of money on a certain run, this is what happens every single time. This time worse then others. I use to want to be apart of this business, help him create something to be proud of. But now... I want nothing to do with it. I don't want to do the numbers, I don't want to be the one that get's yelled at when something goes wrong.
I just wanted someone to love me for me. Everyone that I have cared about claimed they loved me but ended up breaking me apart. I thought Master was going to be different... That he actually loved me for me. All my quirks that most cant tolerate and hate at first he loved. Now he hates them like everyone else. Why am I not good enough for anyone, especially him, as I am? Nothing more or less then the person I am suppose to be. Is that to much to ask for? To finally have someone tell me that I am perfect the way I am without them taking it back the first time they say "change your attitude.." or "Stop being so (insert any thing they hate about me here)..."? Why am I never enough? Is there something that horrid about my personality that makes people want to beat it out of me? I don't mean beatings in a good way either. I've had broken bones, ribs shattered, cuts and lacerations to my midsection and everywhere else all because of who I am. I've been abused, almost raped and abandoned more then once. The things done to me would make all of you cringe if you haven't already. My own mother has abandoned me. And people say a mother's love is the strongest. Then why is it that mine couldn't stand the sight of me when I was 9 years old and shipped me off to live with my aunt and uncle? Then why did my aunt and uncle not keep their word and adopt me instead of buying new cars, tvs, motorcycles, remodels of houses while saying they don't have enough money for the adoption? Then have my uncle do the unthinkable and no one believe me so I had to lie and tell everyone that it didn't happen so I would not be sent away yet again?

It doesn't matter... I am who I am so things like this will just keep happening. I guess I have to just learn to live my life in tatters.

*His unworthy beast