Fun Filled Week Already

On Friday Master got a call from His step daughter A telling Him that His ex-wife died sometime the night before or that morning. He was in such shock that He was fumbling with the phone. She was taking care of His youngest daughter (well their daughter) and now that she passed away Master is the only living parent so the custody get's transferred to Him. Which is a good thing if you think about it. It's the silver lining in the thunderstorm of a mess that is holding us together. Master is frantic to get to Illinois so we can get things together.

We will be turning in the paperwork for an apartment that is extremely cheap. The complex is actually really nice. They are working on fixing it up as we speak. From what Master has told me it use to be the worst so the new management must know what she is doing, because everyone is now flocking to that place. Given our situation and our drastic need to have a place we are hoping that we will be bumped up on the waiting list. But if not we will just do what we are doing now and wait for the phone call telling us we get it. So His daughter M will be staying with His oldest daughter K until then. So Master is also going through the steps of stopping the child support that went to His ex and transferring it to His daughter K to offset the costs. Also we are hoping the building will allow me to stay at Her apartment which is in the same complex until a unit becomes available so I can start looking for work and help out with the money situation even more. Start saving money hear and there for furniture and all of that crud you need to have a comfortable living arrangement.

Plus the funeral is this week so the first time I will be meeting that side of the family will be then... Fun fun. I of course have to go because Master needs me to be there for moral/emotional support so He can be strong for His little girl and family. The only side affect of having a Master that had a previous family. Dealing with the ex-in-laws and so on. But for the last couple of months His ex, F, was actually making nice. They were getting along and we were actually talking a little bit. I think she finally realized that no matter what she thinks I'm not going any where and that I will become a perminate member of Master's family. So I will be involved in M's life. And a part of her understood that...

That is the part of this whole situation that is scaring the crap out of me. Because of Master's job He will be away a lot when we get a place. So I will be there with His daughter basically taking care of her. Don't get me wrong I love kids, but I never thought I would be in charge of any. I use to want a big family full of kids and a couple of animals but things changed that picture in my head to No kids and lots of animals. Well, now it is changed again. I knew this was a very big possibility, that M was at some point going to move in with us and live with her daddy, but I just wasn't prepared for it being so soon. It was very sudden. I felt the world crash around me and now I have to deal with some inner fears that I have. No one in my family is really a good parent or role model. I am just afraid that that is genetic and I will mess all of this up. I couldn't live with myself if I ruined her experiences like my mother/aunt did to me. I don't want her to feel what I felt growing up. I know it's silly but being in charge of another living person, one who isn't old enough to know who she is or where she is going yet. She is only 10 years old. She is starting to find her true being. So everyone she is in contact with at this crucial time will shape that person. They will either encourage her or tear her down. And I don't want to be one of the people that tears her down.

I know it is way to soon to think about this kind of thing but that is how my mind works. It worries about everything right away so that way when I am faced with the challenges that were already worked through in my head I am somewhat prepared for them. It doesn't always work like that, but I haven't found any other way that works for me. I have thought about eloping so I can make a decision concerning M if Master is out on the road all the way to what color dish towels I want for the kitchen and bathroom. Also heath care for M first then us second and getting my license finally so K won't have to cart us around. My mind is just one big cluster fuck right now. I am trying to unravel it as we speak but that is a process that will take time with this situation...

I took pictures of The Mountains along the Tennessee border and North Carolina. I will post all of them in a separate post.