Sexual puppet

Last night Master used me for His sexual gratification. I was blindfolded and had clothes pins on my nipples while I was directed to suck His cock. It can get quite messy when you do that blindfolded. You have no idea where anything is and your spit just goes everywhere. Which is ok for Him because He likes it sloppy. Most women would turn their noses at being cum on with no gratification for them, but in this lifestyle not only is it acceptable it happens alot for Master and I. I have never had a problem with being used this way. It is when He wants me to swallow His cum that I cringe. It's a psychological thing, I don't like the taste and I know little swimmy thing's are going around my throat and teeth. *shudders*

There are some times when it isn't quite so bad but that is when I have been used to the point of exaustion and I don't really care what happens next. After being used I get a feeling of being lowered and in a way put in my place. I get kind of funny afterwards, in the sense that I haven't quite gotten use to the feelings that insue the usage. I like the before anticipation and the during thrill, but the after feelings are a bit unsettling. Master and I talked about this for a little while last night and He assured me that what I feel after being used as His sexual puppet is normal. And that if I didn't feel these things, He would be worrying. No one likes to be used or the feelings that happen after being used, but there are times when it does/will happen.

Master also asked me, "Do you get any pleasure out of pleasing me that way?". I had to answer honestly even though at the time I didn't want to. I told Him that the only way that I get pleasure out of being used is when I am used to the brink of exhaustion. Basically fully and completely. Chained, gaged, blindfolded and fucked to pieces then spanked, whipped and hit with the belt from my breasts to my toes. Then I get the pleasure and gratification that even though I didn't cum, I gave my Master the pleasure that He needs. I fueled His sadistic side and His need to use me. Then and only then do I really get any pleasure out of being used.

As far as I am concerned the drama with an online someone is done and over with. I have decided to look at this from a different perspective. I am going to ejoy the things that I can partake in. Concentrate on my submissive side and my slavery to my Master. I am going to let the drama and harshness of other people drip right off my back. And no longer worry about any of this. I have in a sense washed my hands of this mess.

We have a load going to Amsterdam NewYork that picks up tomorrow. Master is going to try and get it early. If we can pick it up early, we can deliver early and go get the one comming out of MA that delivers right back down to NC and have all the profit on this weeks settlement. So we could conceivably be out of the hole this week and stay out! *does a little happy dance*

Gotta go help Master park and all that nonsense.