To do or not to do?

For the longest time in the past I have had huge problems with Master being with anyone else in this lifestyle. It just rubs me the wrong way. I get extremely possessive and down right jealous of any girl that He thinks about like that. I haven't been secure enough in my relationship with Him in order to do three somes or the possibility of adding another person into the dinamics of our day to day living. I have a lot of insecurities about Him leaving or me not being pleasing enough for Him so I'm in a way getting replaced... I know in my head that isn't the case. But this kind of thinking isn't exactly logical now is it?? The fuel that drives the flames of my insecurities is my heart and love for not only the Master but the Man. I am deathly afraid to loose the best thing that has ever happened to me in any way. This is something I am slowly starting to digest and analize in my head. I mean snail pase slow. It takes me a long while to process the thoughts and emotions that go through my head when they are foriegn and so raw... I have never been the jealous type in my past relationships. But honestly that is because I didn't care as much as I do now. It wasn't as meaningful and fulfilling as it is now. 
I think this new arrangement with Master, B and myself is really going to force myself to evaluate the situation and not only my feelings but every one's that is involved a bit more. I will have to face my deamons so to speak. And doing this with two people I trust is the best way to do it. B has given me so many reasons to trust her and none not to. She wasn't like everyone else. She cared/cares about the people behind the keyboard and knows that Master and I are in this in the long haul. She didn't want to cause issues or problems between herself and Master, me and her and mostly Master and I. I could not be more thankful for that time she gave us to figure things out. She didn't just jump all over Master expecting to get His goodies day two like everyone else. 

Last night she finally opened up to Master about a couple of concerns she had involving "private time" and how it would work. Now that that conversation is done and over with there is no turning back from the path that W/we have selected. There are many ways this could work out and many forks in the road to choose from. Right now everyone is concentrated on puting one foot in front of the other and feeling each other out. Master doesn't know how far B is willing to go, how much of the control she is willing to give Him yet. And she doesn't really know His limits or all of His expectations yet. We are still feeling around with our snaily antennas so to speak. 
Their conversation made me realize a whole mess of things that may or may not be good things. During their conversation I felt really out of the loop and removed from the entire situation. It wasn't anyone in particular making me feel that way. It just happened. I have become so use to being involved in every aspect of my Masters daily rituals and life that I came to expect it. Which is very bad and wrong of me to do. So in a sense I have become spoiled. When I started to expect to always be involved I was showing my lack of trust in Him to do the right thing. I should have respected His privacy and let Him do things with out my nose in it at every turn. 
Also I have been comparing my relationship with Master and my submission to Him with the blogs I read. And when in my eyes I fall short I get frustrated and upset. Not only at myself for not being up to par, but in Master as well. And that is extremely unfair of me to do. I have come to the conclusion that not everyone submits at the same level or extent as I do and visa versa. Also no one dominates at the same level or extent that Master does. I'm not saying that I wish He would stay at the level He is at right now. I actually wish He would take more and stick with it. I want us to grow as individuals in our seperate roles and together as a couple and Master and slave. 

I have decided that I am going to stop reading other peoples blogs until Master and I are on the right track. It is in no way in disrespect to the writers or anything like that. It is nothing to do with their blog or writings. It's just something that I, as an individual, have decided is best for now. I will just have to resist the urge... Which will be difficult. 

*His slave