Sorrow

Today was the wake for Master's ex-wife. Because His daughter was staying with A, we had to fork out cash for a hotel we can not afford right now. Plus food we can't afford right now. So we are sitting ducks so to speak. It's been challenging this last week sense He got the phone call from A. Today was the worst of it though.

Before we went over to the funeral home, Master and I stopped off at the hotel to check in and put our things in the room. Well, while He was in the restroom the phone rang... it was A. He hurried out of the bathroom and answered the phone. She called to tell Him that I was not welcome at the wake or funeral and that if He decided to bring me anyway, Master would be arrested. They decided to have the place guarded by the police of the local city. (Can't remember the cities name) He was livid. I have never seen Him pace that much in my entire life... until now. The sad part is that His daughter K was the one that told A I was coming. We were staying at her place until Friday. We spent $60 on food for her and her daughter that we don't have and that is how she repays us? Nice move. So Master is at the wake and I am here alone in the hotel. When I think I am finally over this, that I am done crying it sinks in further. How hated must I be to be not allowed to a funeral? They don't even know me and they treat Master and I like this. I use to think that K accepted me and that I wasn't leaving Master but I'm not so sure anymore. This just showed me that once again I should have listened to my head and gut instead of my heart. I have wanted to just belong sense I was a little girl. And I thought that this was a perfect opportunity to do just that. But I was wrong. I am never going to be accepted by His family. Our age difference is to much. And I don't think they really want Him to be happy. For some reason I think that they think because of His horrible past He doesn't deserve it... But He is the one that deserves it the most. He needs to be shown more now then ever that He is lovable. That He isn't a bad person... And that I will never leave Him. 


Being here alone a lot of things have crossed my mind, not all of them good. I've thought about how Him and I can be truly happy with no one accepting us and our relationship. Every where we go we get weird looks. It's like the world is trying to tell us that it is wrong. That we don't belong with one another... But if it was so wrong, then why does it feel so right? How is it that we can be in a crowded room and (to us) it is as if we were the only two people on the planet? Sometimes we are that couple you see flirting and kissing on each other in the McDonald's line. Yep, we have done that. When He is away I get nervous. I don't know why but it doesn't feel right not being by His side. It killed me when He had to walk out of the room...


I don't know why it hurts so much to find out that people I don't even know wont give me a chance. They would rather call me a bitch, little girl and whore then look at me. What did I ever do to them other then love my Master? Nothing! I have never met A or G. (G is the ex's mother) Yet I am ostracized like a leper and I can't figure out why! I'm a good person. I try not to swear, I pray all the time, I believe in god and second chances. So why wasn't I given a first chance? I just don't get it. I probably never will either.


I called my mother about this and she was livid too. She started cursing out people she didn't even know. All because I called her crying. She told me that they were lucky she didn't have any money or she would be on the first flight here.


He's back I gotta go.