A section of the Rubiat, By Ohmar Kyan

 

The moving finger writes,
And having writ moves on,
Nor all thy piety nor wit shall luir it back to cancel half a line,
Nor all thy tears shall wash out a word of it.

I know I butchered the spelling of His name, but this is one of my favorite pieces in his works. Pretty much He is saying be careful what you say because once it's out there, it's out there. Once I read this a long while ago I have tried to do just that. But sometimes emotions are to raw that they slip out. And I don't try to take them back because I cant. All I can do is try to apologize if I think it's needed, or move on. Which is what I have done. When it comes to my feelings I wont apologize for them. Neither will I ignore them. I can't do that for anyone, not even my Master. He has learned that about me and has accepted that. Sometimes he doesn't like what I write, but he knows it's what I am feeling. So he doesn't get mad at me. But mad at the actions or situation that created those feelings. For his understanding I could not be more thankful.

Some people say that Master's can do whatever they want because they are the Dominate. Which is true. But the difference between my Master and some other Dominates, (not all of course)is that my Master is a nice guy. He knows that he can but he doesn't. Because he knows what that would do to me. Not only is he a nice guy but he is a gambling man. And the pro's are outnumbered by the con's of, for instance getting yet another girl. Master knows how I feel about him being with other girls. Not only am I extremely possessive of my Master but I am uneasy with the girl as well. All of that will affect my performance as His slave and His lil'one. Which will affect him. It's just not worth it to Him. And for that side of him that ways the pro's and con's I am 100% grateful. That part of his personality is what made me trust him in the very beginning. Just because he is Master doesn't mean it takes away the fact that he is also the love of my life. I fell in love with the man and the Master.

This last situation with drama a little while ago has really stung. (It's 4:04 PM this happened a little over an hour ago) I use to think that after all of this was resolved me and Blank would become friends and maybe be stronger together for it. But that was made very clear today that that isn't going to happen. I removed myself from the situation a couple of days ago but finally found a way to post it yesterday and today. Ever sense this started I was slowly removing myself from it because I felt they needed their privacy and it wasn't something that involved me. Yes, he is my Master but what he does in his free time and who he does it with is for him to decide. I have no say in that nor do I want any. I use to think that I had a right, a privilege to be involved with everything he does. But I have learned otherwise the last month. And I have accepted it. But for some reason doing that then blogging about it has caused more problems then any of this is worth. As far as I am concerned we are no longer friends, that she is just Master's girl on imvu and what happens now definitely isn't my business.

I use to think that all three of us were getting closer and closer as time went by. That this could possibly develope into a real life situation. But the more I think about it, any more wrong I could not have been. Her personality demands that she be an Alpha and I get that, I really do. But in this family their is already one of those and there isn't going to be another one. I know the way of things and where my place is. It's right at my Masters feet. I got and accepted that a long time ago. The chain isn't Master, me then anyone else. It's 1) Master 2) His daughter 3) me and then 4) any other girl he might want to add to the family. And that particular girl is going to have to understand that that is her place. That she is the second girl in the family and always will be. There is no advancing in the hierarchy of slaves. That's it. Now the sooner she gets that apon entering this family, the better it is going to be for everyone involved, especially Master. Who should be the first and last priority. But I know now that she will never accept this and it will be a constant struggle as time goes by. That's just the truth of the matter. I'm not trying to tell everyone her feelings or anything, just what I have gotten out of all the harsh offline messages every time I go to check my email. Or all the text messages she sends Master that he tells me about.

This last little bit pushed me over the edge into not-caring-land. I am Swiss about the whole thing. It has been made clear by her that this will never be fixed and that she will not allow it to be fixed. She is trying to tell me what to do at every turn. Trying to make me into the bad person. She tried telling Master that she couldn't ask questions or voice concerns. I specifically told her to ask questions and voice her concerns and limits. Master heard it and so did Sir C. So that doesn't fly. Hell, Master has even told her to ask questions or voice her concerns. What I think is wrong is the fact that she has decided, with out talking to Master, to "retaliate" on her imvu homepage. Everyone on imvu will know exactly what she is talking about and who she is talking about. But on here no one knows who Sir C is, or who Master is on there. Or even who I am on there.. They are just initials of people that affect my life in one way or the other. And that is exactly why I write here! Because this is neutral ground. I don't complain about anyone on my homepage. (Other then the fake that calls himself a Master, but that was a legit warning to all submissive on imvu)

I am siting here on the floor writing this out. Usually I come to the floor to feel more submissive. To find a way to think things through with out sounding mean or harsh. It doesn't always work, but it does help me make sense about what is going on in my head and heart. Although this time I know it isn't going to do any good. That she will find something wrong about this to if I post it. And it will cause even more problems for my Master. All because she can't read it for what it is. A slave venting in a safe, secure place that not only can her Master read, but other slaves that might be going through the same things. I write here because I cant voice my concerns by talking. I have a hard time getting past the "What will happen?" or "Is this what he wants to hear and will I get into trouble for it?" So I write. I don't hold back. Anything and everything that pops into my head gets written down as soon as my fingers start going. I don't have a filter. Maybe I should, but I don't and honestly I don't want one. If you don't like what you read don't read it. I have said that many many times before! And I will continue to keep saying that until the day God takes me.